I returned home from Europe a week ago. I have mixed feelings about this return, since it means many things. I’m not just returning to the United States, but returning to a job search, to friends and family, to probable rejection during the job search, and also to the familiarity of the places I’ve known since a child. I’m returning to the expectations of people who have known me for years and to their ideas about who I am and who I am supposed to be, but I’m also returning to the possibility of crafting a new identity – starting a new job with people who don’t know me and have no pre-conceived ideas about how I’m “supposed” to behave.
An oddly combined sense of uncertainty and belonging greeted me when I started seeing familiar landmarks during the plane’s final descent into Detroit. The Detroit River, Ford Field, the Uniroyal Tire, and the blue “football bridge” on I-94 – these all mean that I am close to home, but far from where I had just been.
I already miss traveling through Europe on the trains, watching the countryside roll by, but I have my truck again. I miss being able to pop into a bar and get an espresso, but I get to have dinner with my parents. I miss seeing art on every corner, the sides of buildings, and even on the sidewalks – but, my nephews’ drawings are hanging on the fridge, full of colorful sharks cheerfully attacking boats.
Ultimately, I need to make a decision. I can sit around, longing for the life I was living in Europe and wishing I was back there, or I can work on doing what I learned to do while I was in Europe – focus on living in and enjoying moments as they happen.